Willard

Comes now the story of Willard.

Willard valued independence and it led him to start his own businesses when he came of age. He opened a restaurant that served exotic food. Willard kept a glass cage with a bobcat. He hoped the gimmick would attract customers. But the idea failed. Diners would come to look at the bobcat but the food was terrible.

Willard then tried to start a business that specialized in wiring homes. He struggled to find qualified electricians because they often demanded salaries he could not afford to pay. Again, the business failed.

Then there was the moving company he started where Willard hoped to strike it rich ushering people's furniture from one home to another on the isle city in which he lived. The gas costs were too much and it was hard to find capable, dependable workers.

On it went. A business idea would fail, either because he couldn't get it off the ground or he couldn't keep revenue flowing in at rate to cover his overhead. He was frustrated. Willard yelled to the sun and the moon both, demanding guidance on what he should do next. Their only response, in unison, was that if he stopped trying to be a success, he would regret it as he aged. Everyone regrets the chances they do not take, they said.

So Willard continued. Many years and many ideas passed and they all ended with the same result: closure, bankruptcy and failure.

Realizing that he was starting to grow old, Willard settled on the fact that he would have to find steady employment in order to sustain himself. He got a job working on a utility crew, repairing electrical lines throughout the isle city.

He did not enjoy the work but he seemed better than average at installing the transformers, repairing broken lines and ensuring that the lines stayed working and the homes stayed lit. At one point, his supervisor asked Willard to get certified as an electrician. Willard asked if the certification would earn him some promotion and the supervisor said it would make a promotion possible but not guaranteed.

Discouraged, Willard pursued the certification and earned it in due time. For many years he was denied a promotion and every day he worked the electrical lines and equipment slightly better than adequate. It was as though he was stuck in place. Even when he was successful, he was still somehow a failure. One thing that did grow was his disdain for his job that had become a profession he never wanted.

Willard mulled all of the choices that he made in life as he worked on a transformer one night when the power went out in a beachside community on the island. His anger swelled within him about all of his failures at business and his adequacy as an electrician. What he realized was that he was inflamed with regret, not at the things he didn't do but because of the things he tried. It was the very opposite of what the moon and sun had told him.

So Willard began to wage a war on the notion of regret itself. He decided then that his profession of an electrician would now be just a job. He showed up on time and he left on time. Willard refused to work overtime when it was offered and he did not try to seek promotions within the company. It angered the supervisors and managers but Willard did not care. If they didn't feel his best was worth rewarding then they shouldn't be rewarded with his best.

The regret that he avoided so much through all of his attempts at success as an entrepreneur and an electrician eventually turned into indignation. The moon and sun both noticed his anger and tried to encourage him to take heart in the fact he tried. It only made Willard more enraged.

The day he was eligible for retirement, Willard put in his notice and stopped working. His supervisors begged him to stay on as they valued his experience and expertise. Willard refused. Their inadequacy was their problem, he told them.

He arrived home that day alone. Willard stepped into his shower and cleaned the day off his skin. When he stepped out, he slipped on the tile floor and fell, hitting his head hard. Blood seeped out of the wound on his head and he felt light and fading. In his final moments, Willard held onto the regret he had long fostered, wishing that he'd never made all of the attempts that lead to his failures. He felt no regret for failing to step carefully out of the shower.